Hobo has commandeered Shadow’s keyboard to vent her feline opinion.
Shadows, you know, I really love you. This truly is said with love.
But what the F*** was that racket you subjected me to on Wednesday? Not just once, but mulitple times. You really push my limits of tolerance. Bagpipes I heard you call them. Those pipes should be shoved into a bag and burned.
That loud shrill wail, it just burrowed into my sensitive hearing. Straight through my very being. How’s a cat supposed to be distant and aloof when she’s feeling stricken to her core by wailing? I’d rather listen to Tramp screaming around the house. You know how that grinds my purrs.
Really Tramp, I love you too, but you are loud and obnoxious.
You’re not off the hook here Shadows.
The first time, my lord, tore me from a deep and wonderful dream of chasing a mouse across a meadow. What a glorious scene that was. Warm, radiant sun laying across my fur as I chased my prey through the grass. I was relentless, but I wore it down. It was surrendering to my great and powerful attack.
Just as I was about to pounce in victory…. SCREECHHHHHHH!
I leapt into action, certain some nasty monster was coming for you. I had to defend you, how else could I continue to eat? The dream was wonderful but it doesn’t feed me.
Did you not see me plant my paws on the end of the couch and carefully search for the source of that painful racket? To the window I ran seeking it, back to the screen. I could hear it, oh could I hear it. But the source I could not find. And then it stopped.
I was sure I had scared it away. I could return to my position on the couch. Maybe even resume that wonderful pounce onto the waiting defeated mouse. AHHH to the purrs I went.
SCREECHHHHHHH! NO, back it came!
Once again I leapt to defend you at the end of the couch. Once again, nothing was to be seen, just that gawd awful noise attacking me. I jumped off the couch and went on patrol.
I decided at this point with your lack of attention to the clear and present danger, you either couldn’t hear, didn’t care or were contributing. I was undecided.
Tramp, lazy little snot she is, was still sleeping. I slapped her on the way past as I searched. She didn’t move. I think her food needs to come to me Shadows. Seriously, I’m the one laying it on the line here.
It stopped again without me finding it. Back to you I head. There you sit staring at that screen with those people on. Hey what is that water on your face? Do those pipes do this to you? Make water fall out of your eyes?
You don’t get water like that when I play on your monitor. Well, sometimes I think I see some steam rising from your ears when I ignore you telling me to get off the monitor. You know, really loudly and often. Have you noticed? I don’t care when you yell.
The water seemed to be making you kind of sad. Damn those pipes, how dare they do that to you. I curled up on your nice soft, warm chest. I really needed the nap anyways. OH yeah, keep breathing there Shadows, it rocked me gently.
SCREECHHHHHHH! What the hell.. Not again!
Once more I went on the hunt for the source of the auditory torture. Why was it not bothering you more? Maybe I needed to take a closer look at you. You know, I’ve never trusted those things you wear on your face, glasses you call them.
I wondered if that noise would stop if I just pulled them off you. OH, you really didn’t appreciate that move. You did know when you drop me off of the couch I will land on my paws right?
Those damn pipes never even wavered so I guessed the glasses were cleared.
You get the picture here right Shadows? I busted my butt trying to protect you and get rid of the damn racket. You just ignored me as you stared at the screen.
If I didn’t like my food delivered on a regular basis, my litter cleaned and oh, that nice soft, warm bed you are.. I’d have to up and leave you. Just same, don’t let it happen again. This is your final warning.
OH, the guy who called you on the computer. Tell him I really appreciate him calling. I like his voice and you did something that made those damn pipes stop.
OH… Maybe the tablet is the cause of the bagpipe noise?
Hobo is the feline owner of Shadowspub, a writer from Ontario, Canada. She writes on a variety of subjects as she pursues her passion for learning. She also writes on other platforms. Hobo sometimes takes over her keyboard and demands publication time.
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